| when the force of gravity shifted its direction towards me
i never realized that seconds would turn to centuries
every day it is a little bit shorter
every way i just can't ignore it
how one second i'm here the next i'm not
constantly in an endless train of thought
no words in my head only images to describe
the right side of my brain constructs an open eye
i see and i focus and i listen
the longer i stare, the more hope it is given
i hear and i grasp and i dare not speak a word
for the concentration of not thinking is all i am living
i wish i could put my heart into words
when i sit here and type once again
i pray my soul into stone
hope i never leave this plain
i'd rather be stuck in eternity than out of exsistence
attached to the soil with roots growing down
wearing a thought in my magic resistance
i will never give into the turning of man
i fear our time has come to an end
my friend
this world we know and pretend
pretend
we all think there's one thing there's something to gain
we all see the good side and bad side to blame
it's shown to us since the dawn of communication
that man will tell man to tell man to be patient
but the colors run thin
the water runs deep
and all will see
and all will weep
when the time is now
when the end is imminent
just remember that the universe is infinite
though we may pass
all in a blur
the motion of this planet
spinning us into life and chaos
hopefully our souls will live on
...all in a blur
| fuel to the fire   |
| to describe how i feel for you. everytime i think of you, i get angry. i think, how can anyone ever harm you or anyone like you? I want to protect you, to stand up for you, i look at you i see a beautiful portrait i dare not touch in fear of the colors running at my hand... i see more than just a girl, or skin, or flesh or whatever it is these other clowns see. i see a heart, a soul, and lover of this planet. this green gift the heavens have gave us. through sand, wind, and time we are here. i see you, my queen of this planet, perched on your ledge, your hillside cliff. staring down upon all your glorious creatures whom you wish you could preserve. I stand there with you, at your side, always. you may not always see me, but im there... hear me in the wind... you've heard it all before, the dark painting i see, of your eyes...
what am i trying to say? I know what's up, what it du, what the deal, i know how you feel alright? doesn't mean it automatically makes me awesome or hay we can relate, no. i'm just letting you know, i've felt this way for a very long time. if it isn't obvious from my history of entries here, then I don't know what else I can tell you to prove to you that... i really care for this planet. I believe in the Sun, Moon, and Earth that gives me life. Who else does, physically, literally? God? I havent seen his ass around to guide his herd. sounds like a flock of shit to me.
imma protect you, the planet, my family, and everyone. im going to be the difference...
the difference between us and them? we don't follow them. we follow our own path. I'm glad we share the same fork in the road, remember? well tell you what my lil candle in the wind, don't let that flame die out yet. i still have so much i want to share with you...
my intentions? to be happy with one of the greatest girls i have ever met/laid my eyes on. aside from being amazingly beautiful on the outside, your molten hot core zaps me to dust. :)
if you've read this far, thanks... i mean every word... i'm not like those other people, i never have been. the isolation and suffering is over. i will rise up again, not by the fall of others around me, but on my own. you've been doing pretty good so far picking yourself back up. im gonna keep helping you until these training wheels of mine are gone, sounds good? maybe we can ride the dusty trail sooner than we think. :D
peace out to planet earth lol
| | fuel to the fire |
| fuck does anyone care anymore? we're all numb from the bruising
when the fuck are we all going to pick up each other, mankind that is, and fucking help each other already? It's all obvious that we are all aware of the big picture. i just want to promote positive attitudes and eliminate bias but i can't do shit because tv said so or music says so or news says so because everything that is put out there is either to devilishly entertain and deceive you or to lie to you and take your money either way. the way this system is set up sucks fucking dongs. dong fuckers.
piece of shit set up to fail secretely trying to hide communism, socialism, nazism, capitalism, and backbone it to our government to use us. this is crap. fuck you greedy fucks if 9/11 2 happens im not going to let martial law UN soldiers take me away, no, im going to fucking kill myself. i'd rather be a corpse before i get sent to a fucking slave camp for my own bullshit conspiracy safety.
and take that you corrupted illuminati freemason mutated freaks of destruction
operation garden plot, rex 84, chinese, italian, korean, UN soldiers, stationed in our own country being paid right now to fully operate facilities
ok ok i sound like a negative nelson, but the truth is, I'm not! I just get frustrated but that doesn't mean i won't continue to do positive things in my life and what i can to help out. So ya, no sad ending for me. everything else that sucks can fuck off | | fuel to the fire |
| So before you read anything, any of this chatter
I'd like you to the know the idiom's in here are rather,
fixated, instinctive, relative, and opinionated
realistic, dormant, infused, and affiliated
so now that you have the idea and knowing you're the only one around
take a look into my thoughts, my soul, my departures and my writings
just know that, i am not troubled, but when i speak of my feelings,
words are obviously just numbers
i want to be a writer, but the things i want to speak of aren't for entertainment
they aren't for my career, they aren't for you to say "wow"
they're mine, my writings that others are welcome to
but they are from my heart and my heart only
inspired from darkness i share to myself my true soul
with these words i pray for us all
i pray they are not in vain, but they are
so, enjoy the end of the world because the universe will carry on
...that i know who i am and what i stand for | | fuel to the fire |
| associating the nation with all the destruction of beauty
a star ascends to a soul not far from wake
stolen secrets kept away from you and i
it will all come back to me someday
the loss of a character is a departure from angst
i have been shaped and the rest have decided my path is set in stone
the thirst is growing stronger for the waters are murky...
let the ego go
let the pride die
pass on the torch
deeper and deeper we perceive clearly
we fail to acknowledge the lies
we stand up and rise
we kill
tear the world apart with your screams, ryder...
of agony and ages
of gods and monsters
of love and hate
of deep remorse for the death of the worlds nature and beauty
fuel the rage or feign the flame
who's to say which way is right
the associated dementia of my subconscious is nigh
run from the day and run to the night
a calm serenity before crisis awakens once again...
who is to blame when there is no one with the right answers...
pretend it's not real
pretend this isn't happening
smile and fade sparkle and glisten in the sunlight waves
amber clouds and memories partake...
in a day dream in the grass looking up above the skies...
i heard the lost cries...
| | fuel to the fire |
| The roads are paved and the communications are high. You will be swallowed in the masses, irregardless of choice. You contribute to it everyday. Everything you chose, you wear, you say, you love, you learn, you hate, you are. You have no choice.
So what do you have to lose? What's the point of even feeling guilt? Jump on the wagon we're watching the band play tonight. After all these years, the wand of fear. Before endless nights and days reigned, now we reside to be blamed.
A rich and true world where ignorance is the charade we play. A poor and deceitful attempt to fathom a mass over production. Protocol is engaged and reticules are locked. Walk and talk it's the way to...
stop | | fuel to the fire |
| so i've been faking it all along
singing and dancing to the songs
so i've been seeing it all along
so long i've been saying i'm gone
when i pass you by will you pass me up
in the moments of desperation will you seek an example
what will you see when my eyes change
what will you see when you look straight into the rain?
when is it going to end?
the world passes by just as a cloud in the sky
shares a face with us all including outter space
i watch it all watch it all in shame
i watch it all watch it all with no one left to blame
i wait for the moment when moments are never ending
when love is destroyed by the grip of humanity
find us the cure and i will find the reason
everyone's dying to get the disease this season | | fuel to the fire |
| i almost forgot you were here yet i always knew you were there. waiting in worlds of wonder and where true love fairs. share a thought for a letter and a generic touch for stare, never change a note, never let them know that... you are repaired.
compile and re-file, stumble and tie 'em, again...
what, oh what a majestic world to see. oh, and oh what is and will come to be? happiness in this moment is the greatest of plee's...
true love for the universe may set us all free... | | fuel to the fire |
| another entry here today, for the world to see, oh the misery. the same sad old song, the same said told stories. the open thoughts of an open heart typing without thinking to show them all. here it is, i pour my soul.
with such strong convinctions i dont have the faintest prediction of what is and what will come to be. i can only improve on the life i have left and i didnt lose, to make myself a happier future.
so there was this girl, she was so far away. so far away i dont even know if i will be able to finish the book. i was planning on writing a book about her and our relationship, the love so distantly shared across vast plains and lakes.
so let me figure this out...
this is all for you to see. even though no one will probably ever read this. even though i am alone and stand here with words in vain. i search and continue to ponder upon thoughts mislead by doubts and fears, and wonder if this will ever fucking end.
i am happy, confident, cool, and assertive. passive, humorous, and inteligent beyond words fair. yet, i am alone, once again without the one to hold my hand. even so, i have never been there, there was always the distance as a key factor.
what's left to say, let me figure this out...
while everyone is so caught up, in their drama, money, and greed. selfishness, anger, blame to be put on everyone but the wicked. i am here, yes i am here. in a room, in a house, all alone. and having myself doesnt seem that bad. in fact, it isnt... haha
it's sad.
the world.
try not to think too much darling, you might worry yourself senseless...
i am the best at ruining my life... | | fuel to the fire |
| | I am the collection and presentation of everyone and everything I have ever known. | | fuel to the fire |
| |
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ryderlivingston's journal